Pirates 3 = pure, unadulterated crack. Absolutely hilarious, visually brilliant crack, but zomg teh crack. It goes abstract, it goes minimalistic, it goes symbolic liek woah, they all want to kill each other, there is this fantastic - god, I don't know what it is, but they Charlie's Angels' walk their way on this sandbank and... wow. Just wow. Go with one of those witty people who has something to say about every scene and it will be well worth the money. (Speaking of which, cinema tickets are horrendously expensive.)
Chemistry exam today to which I didn't show up. Felt both pathetic and oh-so-rebelliously hardcore at the same time. Or, I would have, had I been awake. Instead I just slept through it. Latin on Friday, for which I should really make an effort, but, in the words of Darius, I am so laid-back I'm horizontal. This is not really a good thing, but, case in point, I do not really care. I just want this all to be over so I can forget about it until next year, when just how badly I've screwed up my future will become apparent and I can stress about it then. I am famously all about procrastination.
There's so many things I want to do! I mean, yes, ideally I would spend my days in bed reading trashy YA fantasy and chick-lit and eating high-cholesterol foods, but I also want to do things... Really! I want to be creative. Write a book, take up art again- how strange that I should miss art after GCSE sucked all the creativity out of me and made me hate it- travel, oh, how I'm looking forward to Japan, go on one of those posh cooking courses and come out of it able to make a brilliant meal for twelve. And I want to live on my own and be independent and have a cat and an on-off boyfriend who secretly adores me and this really hot lifestyle. And maybe a cookie empire, like in that Woody Allen film. In other words, fuck Chemistry.
current mood: flirty current music: ciara, like a boy
So after last week's emo post, something a bit more cheerful, I admit simply so that when I click on my eljay the first thing that comes up isn't me whining about my growing pains zomg. My D/G exchange fic has turned into some kind of MONSTER. I say that, but I don't actually mean it- it's just so much more than I've written in so long, standing currently at over ten thousand words and promising to be a whole lot longer still. I am terrified of writing by request- what if they don't like it? What if they hate it? Obviously I can't talk too much about the prompt on here just in case, but it's really fairly generic and open, which I tought would be a good idea, but turns out it is NOT because all I stress about now is the line between my sense of humour and everyone else's sense of humour and I've just had to re-write four thousand words of it because I realised there was a huge mistake in characterisation somewhere along the line and argh. Would never have been so picky if this was just my fic- hopefully that just means it's going to be better than my usual standard. *bites nails* Furthermore, everytime I re-read it I keep finding bits which are just me in there and it's kind of disturbing.
English exam was yesterday and although I don't think it went well enough for me to do it at uni, it was promising? The closed text bit of the exam ended up being the least of my problems due to the overwhelming disadvantage of getting the paper and suddenly thinking, "Bugger, I can't actually remember how you write an essay." which was, I can tell you, a great feeling. My Forster essay was completely incoherent; I'd overrun on Shakespeare's Sonnets, and so had half and hour and didn't bother reading the passage- ended up finishing with fifteen minutes to spare because I had nothing to say. Dr. Patrick, who was invigilating, kept giving me dirty looks- it only occurred to me afterwards that it was probably because I was always looking up to see them instead of dilligently scribbling away.
Going to see Pirates 3 tonight, should be fun.
current mood: pointless current music: bif naked - nothing else matters
Finally on study leave and away from school. The maths exam is on Monday, then English on Friday, and I only just seem to have realised that Antony and Cleopatra KIND OF A CLOSED TEXT BOOK and that I need to know the play inside out, which while I quite like it, I don't. On the plus side, have reached the ultimate conclusion on Forster- last English lesson, it finally clicked:
The novel form (which Forster himself is quoted as having had diffuculty in working with) was made popular by the likes of Jane Austen&co, writing about things which are essentially boring and yet making them interesting; you would assume the thoughts of an idealistic seventeen-year old girl in search of a husband would not interest a fifty-seven year old man such as my English teacher, but Jane Austen makes it so for most people. Frustrated with the novel form, Forster defies novelistic tradition and therefore sets out to write A BORING NOVEL; understating milestones of life such as marriage, birth, rape, death, probably with the intention of writing a novel which actually transcends the human condition - and, in my personal opinion, failing miserably.
Fine, so I am biased because I hate the bloody book, but it sounds pretentious enough to get me marks, so it's all good. After English, I'm not sure what's coming; am trying to take it one step at the time, and besides my doctor's suggested that I should defer some of my exams because I'm just not up to it, so I may not actually be taking them. On the one hand, I realise that my doctor has a very important point there- I just don't have the mental resources to sit the exams and do even just alright seeing as I am getting Us right left and center because I just. can't. think. straight. but on the other hand the thought terrifies me, because I need to get out of SPGS as soon as I possibly can, and not because they're kindly suggesting I leave, which it's been hinted at they might. Sigh. I know that it's not the end of the world; not everyone is a genius, not everyone gets straight As, and eventually, even if not by next January or even by this time next year, I will get better; it's just hard to deal with without panicking at how fast I'm closing doors and narrowing down my options, and how I am now completely unable to do things I used to do with my eyes closed; one of the exams that might get deferred is Latin, at which I was good at if I ever was at anything at all. It's incredibly sad and also so utterly pathetic that a girl who has everything should suddenly simply stop functioning.
current music: linkin' park- leave out all the rest
Because god knows the last thing I feel like doing is my English essay (I mean, why touch Forster when you can be reading your new Robert Frost collection?), and it's the last day of April, ie. poetry month, have some of my ( favourite poems. )
This public service mostly-angsty-poetry overshare was mostly brought to you by the unfortunately small poetry section at the Notting Hill Waterstones. What was meant to be a quick look to see if I could find something with Robert Frost's 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening' turned into a poetry spree with Matt, my favourite English student ever, who was actually trying to talk me into doing English myself. Decisions, decisions, and a 41% in Maths. Sigh.
2) I finally got my ears pierced! And if I get an A in Maths, I'm getting it pierced another couple of times XD
3) Parents have left me alone for a week with a) money and b) enough food for a year and I am loving it. And since they are convinced I will be having a mental breakdown within the next two days if left to my own devices, they called to let me know that it doesn't matter if exams go badly, that at my age I should be having fun and not worrying. Which is a huge LIE, but hey, face value hello.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone. Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song, I thought that love would last forever: 'I was wrong'
The stars are not wanted now, put out every one; Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood. For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Euphoric from having actually completed something despite my attention span being shot to hell (Emily is brilliant, go her!) I ended up signing up for the dgficexchange, which involves DEADLINES and PROMPTS and WRITING ANOTHER COMPLETED FIC and zomg. Am insane.
Holidays are wonderful. Have been swanning around ignoring the exam-related impending doom because, hey, that's what I do best. Went to see Equus and was pleased to find Daniel Radcliffe has simply been saving his facial expressions and overall acting skills for better endeavours than some insignificant movies about this kid who's got magic powers and is destined to save the world and stuff. Went in expecting a horrible play and it WAS, but it was also extremely well done and I really enjoyed it- bits of the script were somewhat dated- the psychiatrist as god complex- but it had some great stuff as well, including an image of moments magnetizing to snap together into the shackles of a chain, formiing an obsession, which I could totally identify with :D
Went to the Oxford/Cambridge boat race, as the captain of the Oxford boat was some ex-Pauline so we figured it was a great excuse to sun ourselves on the jetty and drink and eat and cheer occasionally. Didn't see much at all, partly because there were more people than I've ever seen in Hammersmith ever (at one point I said 'do they not have anything better to do? rather loudly and got glared at quite a bit) but also because well, no matter where you were the boats only went by twice. Ate the giant creme egg Alice, Car, Milly and I had made (out of chocolate, more chocolate, boiled sugar and yellow food dye) and suddenly found everything rather hilarious, and then the world started to spin rather alarmingly.
Just two more days and it's the Easter holidays and I am going to see Equus on Monday! Also, Avril Lavigne's new video? Utter class. Complete crack. Appreciate (despite the bad quality) :
current mood: hopeful current music: cobrastyle - robyn
Hello, world! Have an irregularly scheduled update on what is happening in Costyland:
-For those of you with British telly, I was on Channel 4 News at noon today, and probably this evening as well, bashfully hoping that universities will be fair. You can watch the video report on the website if you're interested- of course, they had to drop by on the day where I haven't brushed my hair, haven't got any make-up on, have a hole in my t-shirt and generally look like a complete slob. Also, they have fairly predictably edited just about everything we said except for those sentences; Laura (the ginger) made a point of telling them her parents hadn't gone to University and both her and I come from state schools, and we aren't the only ones, etc. Personally, I am all for encouraging disadvantaged students to go to uni, but I resent being told that whether my parents went to university or not affects me as a candidate, since I'm the one being interviewed, not them.
-For those of you in the US, WATCH ROBIN HOOD. THE SCRIPT IS APPALLING, BUT IT GROWS ON YOU AND IS TOTALLY AMAZING. I went to New York for half-term and saw the posters announcing its arrival and it made me happy.
-I got to go to New York and came back completely, utterly in love with it. And with a healthy appreciation of Abercrombie&Fitch's advertising methods (ie. have bufftings walk around shirtless.)
-Exams are looming and school is trouble and I am SO regretting not doing the subjects I am actually good at. Suspect I would be much happier if I was, and very much leaning towards applying for English at Oxbridge next year. Still not sure. Will have to make up my mind soon enough however, because if I'm going to go for it, I need to START READING. Sigh.
-Had huge argument re: Labour vs. Conservative with Milly and Lucy at lunch and made a huge scene because Milly said: "You'd rather have two people ill rather than one healthy and one dead." Of course I would, and it worries me that this girl wants to be a doctor. Discuss.
-I have had this eljay for FIVE YEARS. Wow.
current mood: aggravated current music: not ready to make nice, dixie chicks
1) Tell you why I friended you 2) Associate you with a song/movie 3) Tell a random fact about you 4) Tell a first memory about you 5) Associate you with an animal/fruit 6) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you 7) Show you my favourite user pic of yours 8) In response, you MUST spread this disease in your LJ.
Being torn apart by the English Lit. vs. Oriental Studies decision, due by the end of February at the very latest. Back up plans include: pull a JK Rowling, pull a James Bond, marry money, live in a cardboard box in an exotic location. (Though for either I could not only drop Maths, but Biology AND Chemistry to replace them with French and Italian, in which I conveniently have full marks and therefore a chance at getting into Oxbridge. Oh how I hate making decisions.) Distraction abounds in the shape of eighteenth birthdays, however. These involve mad partying, which is always fun, and the weird sense of OMGgrownup!!11!. Even scarier is most of my best friends leaving for uni at the end of this year :(
current mood: apathetic current music: over my head - the fray
Got our centigrade career thingies back. Mine tells me that Medicine and Biology are a bad idea, and that I should go into, in this order, either: 1) English 2) Psychology 3) Art 4) Philosophy and Theology 5) Communication (? Journalism, possibly? Not sure what Communication is meant to be, but hey!) 6) History of Art 7) Classics and the list goes on. Proof! Finally! HA! And then I noticed that it also said I was more organised than Franny and realised itw as all a bad joke. Sigh.
current mood: apathetic current music: Cascada - Everytime we touch
Hello, world. A belated Merry Christmas/whatever you celebrate, and a happy New Year to you all! School and more recently holidays have taken up most of my time (by which I mean I have spent most of it complaining about the former and vegetating during the latter) and so, facebook having taken over my internet life I haven't checked/updated eljay in aeons. How are you all? What's been happening in my absence? I hope you all missed me terribly :D
Holidays were spent as usual with the family of four in the flat for two in Zermatt, skiing arduously because exercise, my parents insist, is good for me. It was all fun and games (if fairly exhausting) until my brother broke his wrist a few days before getting back (but don't feel sorry for him becauser it was entirely his fault, because he lied and went snowboarding after two days of practice on the kiddie run in 93 km/h winds, as you do). I tried snowboarding and failed at it miserably, though I blame it on the fact that my nice, bright red board was sponsored or the like by the makers of 28 days later, so I had a pair of flaming, terrifying zombie eyes staring at my arse while attempting it. Surely you can understand why it was preferable to remain seated and still. (Also because the moment I'd start moving anywhere I would fall either on my knees or on my tailbone and it would hurt in unimaginably painful ways.)
The other highlight of my holiday was my brilliant idea to take the Gamecube along so as to play Zelda: Twilight Princess. The game is FANTASTIC. Hours and hours of thrilling gameplay watching buffting Link wield his big sword etc etc and omg am totally in love with him all over again. It made me so HAPPY. If you have a chance to play it, do. It is uttertly brilliant and so much fun and because I was playing with my brother, my parents weren't allowed to stop us or curtail our gaming time because they'd be intruding on special sibling bonding time and that would be mean, especially since I never see my brother and so on. (Thank god my brother was playing with because there's a giant mettalic spider boss and I spent all that time cowering and wouldn't have been able to defeat it on my own because I kept dropping the controller to scratch at the back of my neck because I could feel something crawling on it and argh. I hate spiders.)
School is now back in effect and I hate it as much as usual and it sucks and so on, however I have SORTED OUT MY LIFE, which is obviously GREAT. I have back up! It's okay! I can go study Oriental Studies at Uni and learn Japanese and go to Japan and marry some rich, buff (and also intelligent, because I am not shallow) J-rock star or the like and live happily ever after writing fantasy novels instead of getting a job. Phew. It's all good- to do Oriental Studies I don't need any specific subject, though an aptitude with languages is useful, which can be demonstrated by the trilingual thingy and the full marks at French and Italian which ALSO means that I won't need to present the marks I am likely to get in Maths and Chemistry and so on (ie. the ones that are going to be bad) and I don't need any work experience either because what can you do? I've been to China on my own at age 16. I'm going to Japan on my own this summer. I've worked in a Chinese Contemporary Art Gallery. I have read Sun Tzu's Art of War and after I've read that I can read anything, I think. I am well and truly sorted.
My parents aren't happy, of course, but then again my parents firmly believe that if I only tried I could discover the cure for cancer, which is extremely likely considering that I can't stand the sight of blood or even realistic representations of human or animal dissections etc. Even if you don't need blood for cancer research, you do for the seven+ years of medicine before you get into it, and someone else who deserves it more and actually passionately wants to go to med school can go in my stead. At least I might be able to go to Oxbridge then. (Not that that matters, but it will appease the parents.) Oh, things feel so much better when you have a plan B.
Besides, James Bond studied Oriental Studies. If he did, then I can do anything :D
current mood: okay current music: to zanarkand - nobuo uematsu
My brother accidentally forgot to mention that he's competing in the county swimming championships in about a week, after, oh, about a year or so of swimming with the school? WHO DOES THAT? (Incidentally, I was so right when I told my parents at the precocious age of five that they should have sent him to a proper sports' training school, and no it had nothing to do with wanting my main rival out of the house. I bet we would be off to Beijing next year if they had -.-)
Dreading going back to school tomorrow. Thankfully I have access to all 26 episodes of Ouran High School Host Club on youtube and a picture of my brand new marble one true love ANTINOUS, the buffest ancient greek statue that you ever saw, to comfort me, so it's not all bad. (Except maybe for the coursework due tomorrow which I blatantly will not do tonight. Sigh.)
FIFTY-SIX DAYS 'TILL ZELDA:TWILIGHT PRINCESS! Oh how easily pleased I am. Also, I'm in bed at eleven on a Friday evening re-reading everything Diana Wynne Jones. Some things never get old :D
Well, hi. Remember me? I used to spam a lot back in the day. Yeah, I'm not sure what happened either. One day I was sitting at home at my computer doing nothing at all as usual and the next I was at the pub and I discovered there is more to life than procrastinating everything in it (people included) and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Let me tell you, that was a shock.
Sometime a month and a bit ago I turned seventeen, and Cassie Claire completed the Draco Trilogy. It was weird reading the last chapter on schnoogle and realising that actually, yes, I was old enough to read it without hypothetical parental consent. I started reading that when I was eleven! I got massively, massively drunk in Shanghai (mmmh, cocktails) and lived there for a month (and gained ten kilos in rice) and learnt no Mandarin whatsoever (but a lot of Cantonese swear words instead). I almost cried when I climbed the Great Wall and met New People. The New People turned out to be extremely nice, and so, so refreshing. (I was The White Girl which was hilarious because I was so much darker than any of them).
I flew thirteen hours with the hangover from hell and got weird looks from the unfortunate guy sitting next to me because I burst into tears on three or four separate occasions during the flight once I realise that I was leaving. I crossed the dateline and arrived two hours before I'd left and I spent the next three weeks eating and surfing. (My surf instructor was a an Australian sex god. He called me a pom! I didn't understand a word he said, but you know how it is- the language of love is universal. I came back and the boyfriend and I broke up after well over a year. (No relation to the sex god.) GCSEs went alright- not quite straight A*s but totally undeserved/good marks on the most part. I got a B in Greek! (yes, I know, a B is good, especially for I subject I despised and did my best to sabotage completely and utterly. But in Paulina-terms? (Hahaha we only came fourth in the league tables this year. THE TRAGEDY! It is all OUR fault. You can hear it whenever any of the teachers/new headmistresses say 'Well done on the excellent results.') B is a fail.) It's actually quite the satisfaction to be able to tell people that all those times I told them I sucked at greek, IT WAS TRUE.
I still hate school. English and Latin are ok, Biology just isn't the same without Dr. Lindfield (is it unreasonable to expect all teachers to be as brilliant and sarcasting and interesting and engaging as she is? Isn't that what teaching should be about? Except perhaps for the sarcasm?) and Chemistry is HARD. It's not helped by the fact that it goes through one ear and out the other and I am thoroughly lost, and Mr. Ellison (the new teacher) is already firmly convinced I'm an idiot (I'll admit with reason) and is so condescending that I spend most lessons grinding my teeth. He also wouldn't let me draw on my labcoat (which I did anyway, of course) because it would compromise the good image of the department on open days. Maths? Let's not even go there. I have a good form tutor on whom I have the hugest crush on and if I was older and he wasn't married, he soon would be (TO ME). Even though he kinda hates me because I have been on time twice this whole term and we're already three weeks into it. Also, we have a football table. It is my one true love, my soulmate, my everlasting, all-consuming obsession and I'll never get over it. Please don't judge me. My aim in life is to get so good at it that by the time I leave school I can challenge and beat Mr. Green, who despite being the head of maths, has a secret past involving caps for England as a table football player. I know, could you get any cooler?? I'm not sure what went wrong.
There are no words- things are so amazing here. People have been klaxoning and screaming all night and all day and everybody jumped into the main square fountain and today people keep grinning and shouting 'forza azzuri!' to each other and omg and omg and omg. So so great. (I still wish I oculd have been in Rome though, spent the night at the Circo Massimo and then greeted the team as they got back which is to say rigth about now.) And the best thing in one word? PENALTIES. Omg.
(Am terrified they'll take the cup away once we find out what un-PC thig Materazzi saididane to provoke him like that. But in the meantime... MITICI AZZURRI!!!)
ITALY ROCK THE WORLD. We haven't been in a final since 1994 (I think) when we LOST ON PENALTIES. This time things had better be diffrent. And we got through playing well (at least after the first ten minutes where I saw and sighed and knew Germany would win but NO) and with a goal from Del Piero who's my true one true love and my day was so made.
And so I go off to Italy today a lot happier than I would have been, because, amongst other things I will also be watching the final there. Yusss!
5th-14th July: Italy 15th July- 15th of August: Shanghai 14th August (I cross the dateline and ARRIVE BEFORE I LEAVE. WOW.)- 4th September: USA. (Possibly. I'll be hanging in the US embassy in Shanghai the entire time trying to get a visa, probably.) I should have some internet access in all of those. Fingers crossed. In any case, email me: duvetmuse@gmail.com
*waves* (And Happy Birthday to Stef and Amber and whoever I might be forgetting. AND ME!)
current mood: excited current music: trent tomlison - drunker than me
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costanza's journal
flirty
pointless
hopeful
aggravated
apathetic
okay